Give me a Sinner

Last Sunday, we celebrated the beginning of Lent with Forgiveness Vespers. Nathan was still out of town, so I braved 2 church services is one day with Luke. :)

At the end of the service, everyone (priests, lay people alike), go around the perimeter of the church in a line asking forgiveness of one another, and respond reminding that God forgives. While we may not know everyone very well or feel that we personally have done something to offend the other person, we ask their forgiveness. The Orthodox believe that all sin is damaging in some way and sometimes we do something that offends without even realizing it. Forgiveness Vespers is kind of a way to cover all the bases and begin Lent with the right heart. Personally, I love this service. Looking into the teary eyes of the older women who have been faithful for decades, having them ask your forgiveness, is powerful and humbling and beautiful beyond words.

Anyways, Luke was the youngest participant this year. He went around giving people hugs as we said, "Forgive me, a sinner," and replied "God forgives!" After hearing a few people ask his forgiveness, he began saying "Forgive me, a sinner," as well. This morphed into a shortened version- "Give me a sinner." One teenager remarked, "Luke, I dare you to go into any store and ask the people to give you a sinner. We all laughed. He kept saying the phrase long after the service was over.

On a more serious note, I want to say that this was a great reminder to me of how much we need all sorts of people in church together, especially children. In the past, I have been in churches where babies to high school children are excluded because they are "distractions." Well, if church were merely a course of lectures every Sunday, then yes, that would be very true. But its not! It is much more than that. We all are in this world together and we need each other. Each of us has a role to play.

Luke is a "distraction" sometimes as he mutters to himself or has the occasional outburst during services (and yes, I DO take him out when he gets too crazy- everyone has their limit!), but I saw last Sunday how much of a blessing children in the church are. Luke asking forgiveness made everyone realize again what we were saying to one another in a way that only can come "out of the mouthes of babes."

Two, and confirmation that we are are growing a St. Bernard

Two... Luke is definitely a two-year-old. So far, I definitely have a love/hate relationship with the twos.

I'll list what I appreciate about the twos first:

-At church on Sunday, we were singing, "Let us now lay aside all earthly cares." Luke, who likes to sing for most of the liturgy (and at the top of his lungs, bless his little heart :) ) sang "...now applesauce.." I never realized how much "lay aside" and "applesauce" sounded that much alike before.

-Today, when I told Luke that we were going to visit the Doctor, he replied' "Dr. Seuss?" Oh yes, I wish that we WERE visiting Dr. Seuss. This visit was for a check up and shots instead.

- Luke says "I lub you" and gives snuggles at bed time.

- Luke sings spontaneously and often- usually it's "Twinkle, twinkle," or a Wiggles Song.

- Luke can pretend things and plays on his own sometimes


Now, my not so favorite things:

-tantrums. period. Today there were tooooooo many!

- Luke says, "I don't want it" to many things that he may not want, but needs. He also tells us, "That's enough" when he doesn't want us to sing or talk or do anything he doesn't want us to do.

- Luke pushes other kids- a lot. I've tried many things to dissuade this behavior, but nothing seems to stick. I just want to stay home some days.

The twos are terrible and wonderful at the same time- it seems that I can't have one with out the other.

Oh, and at the Dr. appt. today, We found out that Luke is 36" tall and 34lbs. That put him in the 95-100% for both categories.....


I love you Luke! Happy two!

A flake

Not a cornflake, or a snowflake. Lately I have just been a flake.

Last Sunday at church we were invited by some dear friends to a barbeque for Memorial Day. Luke was up late on Sunday night and took only a brief nap Monday morning, and consequently was crabby and clingy all morning. The thought of driving 45 minutes each way and being out all day with a cranky Luke began to overwhelm me. So, I called and apologized- we were staying home.

This morning, we were going to go on a hike with some people from church in the Angeles National Forest (north of Pasadena). I had been practicing all week with Luke in the back carrier in preparation. I had the impression that the trail we were taking was light-to- moderate, though long. Well, after reading up on the internet last night about the trail, I found, "Route finding was a bit challenging with many day use trails mixed in with the main trail, washed out sections of trail, and over a half dozen stream crossings (bring waterproof boots even when the water is low)." Umm, what was that?!? Waterproof boots? I don't think that I am going to be able to cross streams with 30lbs of wiggliness on my back. Maybe I should have checked out the route before saying that we would go. Ugh.

I do feel like a flake, but I know that I have to do what is best for Luke- at times just bite the bullet and say that I overestimated. Better me a flake, than Luke an over-tired, unhappy kiddo. Even better, me learning to commit to less and not have to flake out in the first place.

Still Trying to Figure Out What to Do With Myself

Luke will be eight months old in a day.

For the first three months of his life, I tried to cope with my new occupation. I tried to get enough sleep. I tried to keep my sanity. I tried to not do anything that might cause Luke permanent damage.

Three to six months- I slept better and developed some hobbies. I joined mom's groups. I cleaned out my closets and got rid of stuff. Still, I was mostly busy with Luke.

Six months to the present- Luke takes great naps (I hope that I don't jinx the nap situation by saying that!). I now have three hours of free time each day. I am feeling lost and overwhelmed by the idea of having free time and not knowing what to do with it. Truly, I want a job. I want to make money again, but there is not much available given the constraints that I have.

I have never been good with free time. The last time my life was this slow-paced was my senior spring semester at Biola. I had 6 units and a very part time job. I would wait anxiously for Nathan to come home each day to rescue me from my loneliness (not his job). I actually got pretty depressed.

Finally, I began working at Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf for about 16 hours a week. I loved it. I could be creative. I could help people and get to know my customers. I could listen to my co-workers and be a part of their lives.

I am looking for something to do now (when I am not doing the important "mommy-ing") that is both creative and purposeful. Also, it needs to be something that I WANT to do. Something a little different from the mommy/housekeeper position that takes up most of my day. I have tried many things so far- crocheting (I need to work much longer on that before I am any good), cooking (good, but I there are only two of us to eat it), reading (this helps a bit, right now I am reading the oh-so-insightful "Pilgrims Regress"), and a bit of writing.

Anyways, I'll trudge onward. It feels weird to be trying to figure out my interests again.

Bethany is ok!..... What a Day!

First and foremost: Bethany came through surgery very well. The surgeon removed the cyst from her liver using laprascopic technology and a small incision, without complications. She needed no blood transfusions (1-2 units were predicted). The surgeon was so pleased in fact that he thinks Bethany will be able to come home in 2-3 days (half the time originally estimated). Praise God for his blessings!

Also, today I watched Clara and Luke and we all three had colds, Clara's being the worst. I was very worried that both of them would need me at the same time and I would go crazy. As it turned out, Luke had a looooong nap this afternoon (very unlike him), Clara woke up happy after her nap (very unlike her right now), and Kathy Huff- a family friend came to help from 3-6pm.

While Kathy was here and Baby Luke was sleeping, Clara, Kathy and I all cleaned house. We did laundry, dishes, vaccuming, and mopping the floors. The video below shows Clara pretendng to be Cinderella with the little duster. She had a grand old time!

After Kathy left at 6, I was tempted to have a melt down. Luke was fussy, Clara missed her mommy and repeatedly asked for mommy, daddy, Grammy.... anybody but me. But in the end, she got her bath, Luke got his bath, the dog was fed, and the two little ones went off to dreamland. Whew! Hats off to mothers of two. One keeps me busy enough. It was cute though- when Clara cried a little (I got water in her eyes during the bath), Luke stopped to watch. I looked at him and told him that he could not cry if she was crying and stuck a binky in his mouth. He gace me a pouty look, but then accepted his lot.

Things I have been reminded of tonight: Bethany and I have great kids. God is good and gives enough strength no matter what the situation. God answers prayers both big (Bethany's surgery), and small (watching 2 kids).

Right now I can not sleep because of all the unfamiliar noises in the Jones house and because I am paranoid about not hearing Clara or Luke. The mild earthquake a few minutes ago isn't helping my nerves either. Whew again! Maybe I will just rest here on the couch....... :)

For Bethany:

Get well soon! Here are some shots of our day:

Timing

Yesterday was one week from the day that my midwives said that I should deliver within a week. So the week went by and no baby. Today is the due date that we were given first. Unless I start contractions sometime in the next few hours, he will probably miss this due date also. Someone needs to tell this kid that he needs to hurry up!

Really though, it is more appropriate that he tell us, "I will come when I will come, and that will be the right time." I said this very thing to my own mom almost 24 years ago. I was supposed to be born on Sept. 23, but waited until Oct. 5.

In all honesty, I acknowledge that this is an awkward time for me. I feel like I am constantly trying to come up with meaningful, important things to do to pass the time. Perhaps it shows my clear deficiency in the virtue of patience.

I think that today I will read the portion of Acts where the disciples are gathered together, waiting for the descent of the Holy Spirit. They did not know the day or hour either. I think that I will read Matthew and Revelation, where Jesus speaks of the ending of the age, the symbolism of the birth pains of the woman ready to give birth at any time. I will try to sit with this period of waiting. I will be still until my own time comes.

Lovely Morning at Starbucks

Since there is no baby in my arms this morning, I decided to go about my normal routine.

I woke up, got Nathan's coffee, lunch and breakfast together. Then I said prayers, ate a little and took a walk. This morning was especially nice in Huntington Beach- only 70 degrees and overcast. I grew up with much hotter summers than that! After the walk, I headed to Starbucks to study for the CPA. I am almost through the 4th of 5 chapters for the Business portion of the exam.

The Starbucks by our house is especially nice. There is a great seating area outside and comfy oversized furniture inside. While I was in line, a very sweet old bent-over man with a cane walked up to me and said, "Good luck, Honey. New babies are the closest this to seeing God. They are fresh from his hand." I smiled and said thank you. I felt a little like crying. Thank you Lord for these little encouragements. I will try to think about that during labor.

Today it was pretty crowded so I had to sit down next to someone on the large couch, but I still had room for my computer and my textbook. The man sitting on the other side of the couch looked over and asked if I was expecting. I told him yes, and probably this week. He beamed and told me how wonderful life is with children- he had three of his own. I saw their pictures- Roman, Sophia, and Dominic (can you guess- yep a Catholic family). So precious. It is a beautiful thing to see a happy, loving family. He counseled me to stay home or only work part time if necessary. His family gave up cable TV and other little luxuries to make it possible.

Some good ole' Country Music for Packing

Sing this with a twang:

Watching You by Rodney Atkins

Driving through town just my boy and me
With a happy meal in his booster seat
Knowing that he couldn't have the toy
Till his nuggets were gone
Green traffic light turned straight to red
I hit my breaks and mumbled under my breath
His fries went a flying and his orange drink covered his lap
Well then my four year old said a four letter word
That started with "s" and I was concerned
So I said son now now where did you learn to talk like that

[Chorus one]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We got cowboy boots and camo pants
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

We got back home and I went to the barn
I bowed my head and I prayed real hard
Said lord please help me help my stupid self
Then this side of bedtime later that night
Turning on my son's scooby doo nightlight
He crawled out of bed and he got down on his knees
He closed his little eyes, folded his little hands
And spoke to god like he was talking to a friend
And I said son now where'd you learn to pray like that

[Chorus two]

He said I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
We like fixing things and holding mama's hand
Yeah we're just alike, hey ain't we dad
I wanna do everything you do
So I've been watching you

[Bridge]

With tears in my eyes I wrapped him in a hug
Said my little bear is growing up
He said but when I'm big I'll still know what to do

[Chorus three]

Cause I've been watching you dad, ain't that cool
I'm your buckaroo, I wanna be like you
And eat all my food and grow as tall as you are
By then I'll be as strong as superman
We'll be just alike, hey won't we dad
When I can do everything you do
Cause I've been watching you

Glucose Tests and Baby Toys

Yesterday I had a glucose test and a regular appointment with my midwife (appts. are once every two weeks now!- exciting). for the glucose test I had to eat one apple, two teaspoons of honey, and 4oz of apple juice an hour before. Boy was that sweet. I think that I could live the rest of my life without having that combination in my system again. Little LJ like it though. He was dancing all around inside me and when the midwife checked the heartbeat, he was much faster than usual. This was a friendly warning to watch my sugar! (oh and everyone has to be tested for diabetes, it is not that I am suspected of having it.) I get the results next week.

Along the lines of my earlier post about baby gear recommendations, I came across a good article. This made me feel more at peace with things:

From "The Parent Trap"

How have toys changed in the last 20 years ?
Hugely. When you think back to the '60s and '70s, all the right-thinking progressive parents thought toys should be natural and open-ended. Crayola and Kinder Blocks and Lego were considered raise-your-kid-smart toys. Then, all this data that came out which said that kids need to be stimulated. They need sound! They need multi-sensory experiences! Now, the more bells and whistles a toy has, the supposedly better it is.

Our parents' generation actually had it right. The less the toy does, the better. Everyone thinks: "Toys need to be interactive." No, toys don't need to be interactive. Children need to interact with toys. The best toys are 90 percent kid, 10 percent toy, the kind of thing that you can use 20 different ways, not because it has 20 different buttons to press, but because the kid, when they're 6 months old is going to chew on it, and toss it, but when they're a year they're going to start stacking it.
***

I think everyone can remember how fun it was when their parents bought a new TV or other large appliance and gave you the box to play with. My sister and I turned an old TV box into a life-size playhouse- we cut out windows and a door, and even taped up curtains for decoration. Some friends of ours had a nice store-bought playhouse, but ours was of our own creation.

Creativity and a healthy imagination are really what is lost with a bunch of gadgety toys that stimulate all the senses. And these are things that come most naturally when you are a kid. I am going to try not to spoil that in raising our little guy, though the temptations are everywhere. (This is what I say now- pre actually having a little one. We'll see what happens when I get really tired or feel out of options. I have to shoot for my ideal though, don't I? I can't resign before anything has even happened)***

I myself, want to be stimulated instead of creating things for myself. It is easier. This past year, I made a bit of a resolution to read more and watch things like DVD's less. I missed getting caught up into a story, imagining characters instead of seeing them as a film producer saw them. I don't think movies are bad, but I know that they can allow me to be more passive. So far it has been very rewarding too. I think I am an 18th and 19th century English novel fan most of all.


*** A little rant I suppose because from cloth diapering to using a midwife, etc... has been met with several naysayers and pessimists. I obviously don't know as much as an experienced parent because I am not, but I must have a plan A to begin with. And, I will never be this young or this free to try things again.

The Resolution

I am so grateful for good medical and dental care. Doctors and dentists have so much power. They see you usually when you are weakest and most vulnerable. A bad dentist can scar you for a long time. My first SoCal dentist was like that. Now I can't even drive down the street that she is on without feeling a little sick. My new dentist does not take advantage of me. She spent a lot of time with me, told me the options that I had, and didn't even charge me for my check-up today. She has done that before also.

Anyways, the results of today's visit were good. She looked everything over and said that I have no major issues right now. (Whew- big sigh of relief) Just to keep using a mouth rinse and rinsing with salt water in addition to my usual brush/floss routine. She also said that it was good that I came in because she needs to know if I think there is a problem. That helped me psychologically. Yesterday, I spent too much time on WebMD reading about how my pregnancy gingivitis can lead to teeth loss and other very unpleasant things, so I was ready to have her level the boom on me today. (a rarity in commercialized medicine)

I have learned a lot of hard lessons through my teeth experience.

1. Humility- Baring your mouth is kind of like baring your soul to a small degree. You have to do it to expose what is there and begin to take care of it.
2. Courage- Going to the dentist for a procedure that is going to hurt and change your moth forever is hard, but necessary for healing.
3. Trust- Putting a piece of you into the hands of someone else.
4. A good physician is necessary- Along with trust above, having a trustworthy physician is key. Thank goodness we have a good Lord who does not take advantage of us, who loves us, who has sacrificed for us.